Nothing is ever fall-out-your-chair funny.Įven when it tries to throw its curveballs, like a weird kidnapping plot with Giovanni Ribisi, too few hit the strike zone and the gross-out humor is surprisingly tame. It's not quite "all the funny parts are in the previews," but close. Ted can't compete with the outrageous and unpredictable comedy from those two. Ted, while extremely funny in individual jokes here and there, suffers from that lame and predictable story, especially for something that advertises itself to be as daring as Bridesmaids and The Hangover. Just because that familiar set is played out with a talking teddy bear armed with Seth McFarlane's jokes instead of a live Adam Sandler-like actor doesn't make it new. Nothing is ever in jeopardy and it's all stuff we've seen before. A "go-our-separate-ways-move-out" scene is framed by a sad pop song. Of course John's going to blow his one "last chance," make poorly-timed mistakes with Ted, have competition more successful that him (Lori's vane boss played by Joel McHale), fight and break up his friendship with Ted, and yet still be in necessary position to have to earn Lori's trust and love back. That's where the predictable cliches hit in too firmly. He loves her, but is constantly held back by Ted and dumb mistakes. While she's game for shenanigans and can hang with the boys, Lori still longs for John to grow up, clean up, and be a worthy possible husband. The kid and bear are instant celebrities, but notoriety fades and the sweet-voiced bear and nerdy kid grow up to be slackers Ted (voiced by director Seth McFarlane of Family Guy fame) and the 35-year-old mid-level car rental employee John (Mark Wahlberg).īest buds for life sharing a weed habit, a fear of storms, and an unhealthy obsession with 1980's Flash Gordon, their lazy ways continuously get in the way of John's four-year relationship with the beautiful and successful Lori Collins (Mila Kunis). With a twinkle of holiday magic, the wish comes true and "Teddy" walks, talks, and hugs with unconditional love. Narrated with regal profanity by Patrick Stewart's Dickens diction, Ted introduces us to a young outcast Boston kid named John Bennett who wishes one Christmas night that his new teddy bear could come to life and be his best friend. That said, I really didn't want this to happen, but that sad little critic I linked above, unfortunately, was more right than wrong. For that matter, don't go see Toy Story either. If your brain can't handle the scenario where a toy has come to life to talk to its owner without exploding from the need for absolute rightness in the world, don't go see Ted. If you've seen the marketing for Ted, especially the red-band restricted trailer, "Thunder Buddy" song and all, you know not to expect high-brow cinema. That's like complaining that The Hangover didn't have enough alcohol at the same time as critiquing Zack Galifianakis's beard. If you didn't like the movie, stick with that, but don't pile on indefensible things. You can't do what this critic did and nitpick every little implausible thing in the world (read the review, it's worth it) just because you didn't think the movie was funny. To watch a movie like Ted, about a foul-mouthed, drug-using, sex-starved, and talking teddy bear that belongs to a guy like Mark Wahlberg, you have to check your reality card at the door.
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